(Required reading. The goat goes up today. Given what happened last year, by the time this post goes up the goat may well have been destroyed. As a Capricorn this is obviously an issue near and dear to my heart.)
ARIES: 2015: A 26-year-old man was arrested fleeing the scene of the burning goat with a singed face, smelling of gasoline, and holding a lighter in his hand. Under questioning, he admitted to committing the offense, adding that he was drunk at the time and that in retrospect, it was an “extremely bad idea”. TAURUS: 2008: The goat, which burned, was not treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the goat committee, said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). GEMINI: 1988: Gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers. Given that the goat survived this year after being destroyed for 17 of the last 20 years, gamblers probably got screwed over. CANCER: 1998: The goat caught fire again, during a heavy blizzard. LEO: 1976: A student drove a souped-up Volvo at the goat’s rear legs. VIRGO: 2001: On December 23, a 51-year-old American artist, Lawrence Jones, was apprehended, lighter in hand, as he watched the goat burn. He told police he had been misled by Swedish friends, who insisted torching the straw goat was a perfectly legal Swedish tradition. LIBRA: 2015: Iceland builds its own goat in front of an IKEA. Due to faulty wiring in its Christmas lights, it self-immolates. SCORPIO: 1968: The goat survived–good news for the couple that had sex inside its body. SAGITTARIUS: 2009:Hackers DoSed the webcam monitoring the goat, immediately before setting the goat on fire. CAPRICORN: 2010: Though the goat survived, on 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered 50,000 kronor ($7,350) to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. AQUARIUS: 2005:
Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat.
PISCES: 1997: The goat survives, but is hit by fireworks.
my main anxiety is meeting a real vampire and them telling me that when I make fun of vampires on my blog it hurts their feelings. idk what I’d say to that. I guess I’d apologize.
would it be sincere tho
yeah I feel like it’d be one of those moments when u really have to self reflect and confront the impact you’ve had on others even if you had good intentions.
if a vampire sat me down at a party and said “your blog hurts my feelings” I’d have to rebrand my entire blog. I’d have to actually become a vampire apologist.
Are you saying that if you met Lestat and he said “Your blog hurt my feelings” you would apologize? To Lestat?
oh no let me be be clear, every single mean thing I’ve ever said about vampires on this blog has been very personally and specifically directed at lestat
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